Official Press Release

Form Player Craig Zito, Looks to Purchase Guppies

9/19/2005- The Killingworth Krier has learned that former Guppies forward Craig Zito has contacted the team about purchasing "America's Favorite Non-Professional Franchise" In an exclusive report from the Krier's sports staff, Chief Sports reporter at the Krier,  Jim Carr has obtained a copy of a letter that Zito sent to Guppies President Brian Kelly. Below is the letter:

Good Afternoon Brian,

Let me first by saying that you guys had a great run last season and it is tough to lose in such a way. That is why this email is so hard for me to write. As a former player (winner of the Maurice Richard Trophy, Art Ross Trophy and Calder Trophy) I feel that it is my duty to make sure that the Guppies reputation is to be upheld with the strongest of confidence. With that being said, I have instructed my financial advisor, Brandon “Those woman flares aren't mine” Marinelli, to buy 51% of the Guppies stock (NASDAQ Symbol: KGUPPS) on Wall Street in the coming days.  Thus making me the primary owner of the Killingworth Guppies over former owner KG Sportsnet. This act was prompted by your recent loss in the finals of the Z Rink Championships.

As my first act of business I have decided to “shake” things up a bit in the line up and with corporate management. PR Executive Shasta McNasty will be let go and replaced with a very talented young lady that I recently met in a trip to Springfield Mass named Bubbles. It was very apparent right away to me that she is very good at customer service! Secondly, I have decided to let go the current law team and agents of many of he Guppies players; Creighton, Creighton and Armenia. It has recently come to my attention that this law firm has not been putting forth the maximum amount of effort needed to properly represent this organization i.e. every other Monday off in the summers, numerous golf outings, not to mention that it seems like all the employees are all driving around in new Mercedes!

Now, we all know that as time goes on players come and players go. I feel that it is time that we bring some new players on and let some players that have not been producing as they used to go. Brian, even though that your goals per game average has been about as paper thin as your hair is getting, you have however been the only one that can update the website, so I guess I will need to keep you on. There is only one player that I feel has not been playing up to his potential and that player is LeGoalie. He has recently been seen out at Killingworth bars and around West Hartford Center on the night before games. Well let's just say he has not been representing himself as a Guppy should. I have numerous reports of women that he has wined and dined and then never called. That is just not the way the guppies do it, or at least if they do it they should be doing what I like to call the “Linskey Method”. Which in turn means, to give them a fake name and number and then say you need to go get some ammo in the middle of the night and never come back. I myself like to just talk with women for a long time and really form a friendship with them, I am not interested in the hooking up aspect.  In any event, LeGoalie is gone and the new back up for Linskey will be from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan named Shoot-Er Tutter (pronounced Shooter Tutor). See attached picture of the new goalie with hockey great Wayne Gretzky at the 1988 Stanly Cup Finals.

Now to look towards the immediate future of the organization. I have decided to part ways with long time sponsor Atlas Metalizing. The reasons for this is frankly because I have no idea what the hell they do.  The only sponsor that I could find that will put up the money is old time hockey manufacturer Koho. They will be providing you with all the old time gear that you need as long as the budget is not over $100 for the season.

I look forward to hopefully taking the Guppies back to their storied status that they once were when I played. So good luck next year, me and your new investors will be watching very carefully.


Craig “Lil Z” Zito
"Future" CEO
Zito's Killingworth Guppies